KellyGO

Men’s Jump Suits, 1970s

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 11:14:36 -0500

Men’s Jump Suits, 1970s:

The ad copy … just … omg. O_o

Encylopedia of Home Improvement, 1970

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:46:12 -0500

Encylopedia of Home Improvement, 1970:

I love some of these rooms so much.

Beurre Manie

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:46:52 -0500

Beurre Manie:

How to thicken soups and sauces. Handy!!

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water [Kitchen Hacks]

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 07:45:43 -0500

I hope this is true. I’m going to try it.

hajensen:

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water [Kitchen Hacks]

from Lifehacker by David Galloway

If you like to cook with scallions (aka green onions or green shallots) did you know you can keep the white root ends from purchased scallions in a glass of water and they will regrow almost indefinitely? More »

hungoverowls: “Today has already sucked a full day’s worth and...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:23:08 -0500

hungoverowls:

“Today has already sucked a full day’s worth and the clock only just hit double digits.”

From Letters of Note: To My Old Master

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:22:07 -0500

DUDE. I read the letter in Sam Jackson’s voice.

___________________________________________

To My Old Master

In August of 1865, a Colonel P.H. Anderson of Big Spring, Tennessee, wrote to his former slave, Jourdan Anderson, and requested that he come back to work on his farm. Jourdan — who, since being emancipated, had moved to Ohio, found paid work, and was now supporting his family — responded spectacularly by way of the letter seen below (a letter which, according tonewspapers at the time, he dictated).

Rather than quote the numerous highlights in this letter, I’ll simply leave you to enjoy it. Do make sure you read to the end.

(Source: The Freedmen’s Book; Image: A group of escaped slaves in Virginia in 1862, courtesy of the Library of Congress.)

Dayton, Ohio,

August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin’s to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, “Them colored people were slaves” down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor’s visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams’s Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jourdon Anderson.

Hmm....

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:24:00 -0500

What do you think? I think I could give my daughter unlimited video game time, in the same way I could tell her she could have as many cookies as she wants. She has excellent self-control. But Liam’s brain doesn’t work that way. He will eat until he’s sick and play video games until his eyes are red and he hasn’t moved from the couch all day.

___________________________________________

Limiting video games is delusional

Posted to: Positive influence

After doing a lot of investigating about video games and their effect on kids, I realized that limiting kids playing video games has a much more deleterious impact on kids than letting them play video games unfettered by parent oversight. Here’s why:

1. Game time is about respect.
When you tell kids they can’t do what they like, you tell them they have poor judgment. The whole point of child-directed learning is to tell kids that they have a good sense of what is interesting to them and they should respect that in themselves.

I noticed that when people ask me why we don’t teach subjects in our homeschooling, I’d say, “I trust my kids to figure out what they want to learn, and I’ll help them learn it. Passion isn’t divided into school subjects.”

Then invariably one of my kids would yell out, “So why can’t we play video games?!?!?!?”

And the adult would laugh, but I would think, “Yeah. It’s a good question.”

2. Artificial scarcity gives artificial value to game time.
Limits on something enjoyable make the person nuts about the thing. This is true in diets. If you tell someone they can never have sugar again they go nuts about sugar. Most people can manage themselves eating a reasonable amount of sugar and be fine.

The same is true with video games. Once I told my boys they could play video games whenever they wanted, they actually talked about it less and obsessed about it less, because they knew it would always be there for them if they wanted. No begging for more time, no negotiating, no screaming at someone to be quiet because the noise is interfering with video game time. Taking away scarcity took away a lot of the power of video games.

3. Creativity comes from a sense of freedom.
When the kids had unlimited video time they were not as anxious about getting to the next level while they were playing. They didn’t feel a time crunch. They were more willing to try other things with their DS. For example, they tried taking pictures, creating a Mii (their own avatar), and joining multi-player games on levels they were not necessarily working on.

The biggest surprise was that my kids started using the video recorder on one DS to record a kid playing on the other DS. For those of you who don’t know, there is a huge culture of people recording themselves playing video games and posting it on YouTube. My kids love watching those videos, and now that video game time is not so precious, my kids are making those videos.

It has been a joy to watch family tensions go down and creativity go up as a result of unlimited game time.

decanters

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:48:56 -0500

decanters:

NICE.

Middle Aged Women, 1960s

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:38:41 -0500

Middle Aged Women, 1960s:

I love the fashion, the hot pink chair, the crocheted blanket on the back of the couch, the stockings, the cocktails!

I love pulp fiction covers.

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 09:45:53 -0500

I love pulp fiction covers.

Cat and Girl

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 09:34:45 -0500

7 Foods You Should Never Eat (EEK!!)

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:16:11 -0500

7 Foods You Should Never Eat (EEK!!):

hajensen:

7 Foods You Should Never Eat

Submitted by Drew Kaplan on December 6, 2011 – 10:01 am11 Comments

17KShare

Here is article which shows why a toxicologist won’t eat microwavable popcorn or why a farmer will not eat non organic potatoes or why a…

A Softer World: 759

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:08:00 -0500

A Softer World: 759:

Truly Terrible Twos

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 09:18:24 -0500

Truly Terrible Twos:

Truly Terrible Twos

by Jane Marie

“What’s the difference between a toddler and a psychopath? Apparently, not too much. In 1980 Robert Hare, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, developed a 16-point checklist for determining whether a person was technically a psychopath. After taking a look at this list, and taking a look at the daily behavior of my two toddler girls, I can only conclude one thing: a psychopath is just really a person who has never grown out of the toddler stage.”
—Rhiana Maidenberg takes us point by point through the list and wow, she is onto something. Take, for the easiest example, #1: “Superficial charm & average intelligence.” ZING, Rhiana Maidenberg’s kids! Related: One time I took the test.

Mohandas Gandhi: Dear Customer who stuck up for his little brother,

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 16:53:52 -0500

Mohandas Gandhi: Dear Customer who stuck up for his little brother,:

Aw man, now I’m crying in front of all 5 kids….

sweetupndown:

you thought I didn’t really notice. But I did. I wanted to high-five you.

Yesterday I had a pair of brothers in my store. One was maybe between 15-17. He was a wrestler at the local high school. Kind of tall, stocky and handsome. He had a younger brother, who was maybe about…

blackandwtf: Date unknown The evils of drink… (via...

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 13:43:00 -0500

blackandwtf:

Date unknown

The evils of drink…

(via retrogasm)

Hmm, can I use Tumblr instead of shared feeds, too?

This is how it looks when I copy and paste

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:49:00 -0500

DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #93: How The Real Work Is Done

from The Rumpus.net » Dear Sugar by Sugar

I’m answering two letters at once this week, sweet peas.

Dear Sugar,

I am newly civilly unioned. I love my spouse (wife?) dearly, though we have our issues. What appears to me to be our biggest problem—the one that keeps me up some nights—is that she won’t get a job.

We’re a quite poor couple in our mid-twenties, both in school. We’ve been together for four years, and in that time my girl has had three jobs: one she was laid off from because the job ended, one she quit, and one she was fired from. All these jobs lasted fewer than six months.

She’s made halfhearted attempts to placate me in the year and a half she’s been unemployed. Mostly though? We fight, she cries, she shuts down, she lies and says she’s been trying to find a job, even though I know she hasn’t. She has moderate social anxiety issues and says she can’t work any jobs involving other people because of it. She doesn’t even offer up excuses for not applying to any number of other jobs I’ve suggested (throwing newspapers! work-study in a low-traffic area of her school! selling her lovely quirky crafts online! dishwashing!). At one point, she suggested that she would rather donate plasma every week than get a job.

Sugar, I’m a full-time student working two jobs. We’re barely getting by on what I’m bringing in. We frequently must rely on my parents for money, and they’re rapidly losing their ability to keep up with my financial needs in addition to their own. I worry so much about this. I worry that my partner will never be motivated enough to hold a job. I worry about what her job prospects are going to be when she reaches thirty in a few years without ever actually having held a long-term job. I worry that, though she sees my struggles, she will never feel guilty enough to get things kicked into gear.

What can I possibly do to get her to take job searching seriously? She’s emotionally fragile, due to years of social anxiety, sexual and emotional abuse from her father, and a recurring eating disorder. Because of that, I don’t want to threaten her with any ultimatums, because I wouldn’t mean any of them and I fear it would do more harm than good. My girl’s got a good heart, but she is so afraid of failure that she willfully ignores how much I sacrifice to keep our rent paid. I love her, and she loves me, yet I feel I’m without a partner in this. I don’t know what to do next. Please help.

Working for Two

***

Dear Sugar,

My husband makes me laugh every day, EVERY day, multiple times. He’s been my best friend for years and is still my favorite person in the world. He’s enriched my life in so many innumerable ways and he has told me that I have reciprocated that enrichment. I do love him so. SO. And I am quite certain he loves me.

The issue is that he’s been unemployed for over three years. He did try to find a job for a while (and I believe he still occasionally does), but now I think he feels unqualified for anything other than the job he used to hate and also that he has no reason to be hired for anything else. Inertia has taken him over. He wants to write, but feels unworthy, so he doesn’t write. He is brilliant and funny and erudite, but he sees none of that. He doesn’t paint/sculpt/whatever might give him fulfillment or do anything that would move him forward in his life. I would be happy with him doing anything (and I truly mean that), yet he seems to be stuck. He’s also bipolar and self-hating and all of that.

Fortunately, my job carries us financially, but only barely. The house is clean, the laundry is done, the dog is walked, but in three years he hasn’t been able to figure out a way to financially contribute to our household. He’s stressed out about the fact that we have trouble paying our bills, but he does nothing (truly nothing) to change it. If I had plenty of money, I’d be fine with this, but I don’t. I’ve been carrying this load alone for a long time. I have repeatedly tried to talk to him about this, to no avail.

I love him so much and I’m so sad about this. I think my staying with him may be ruining both our lives. Perhaps my support is keeping him from fulfilling his dreams. What do you think, Sugar?

Responsible One

***

Dear Women,

As I’m sure you both know, there is nothing inherently wrong with a spouse who makes no money. The most common scenario in which it makes sense for one spouse to earn an income while the other does not is when the couple has a child or children who must be cared for, which goes along with a domestic life that requires constant vigilance of the cleaning, shopping, cooking, washing, folding, tidying up, taking-the-cat-to-the-vet-and-the-kids-to-the-dentist variety. In this situation and others like it, the “non-working” spouse is often doing more work, hour for hour, than the “working” spouse and though on paper it appears that the one with the job is making a greater financial contribution to the household than the one who “stays at home,” if you ran the numbers and figured out what it would cost to employ someone to do the work of the “non-working” spouse, it becomes apparent that one should probably shut their big trap when it comes to who is contributing what.

Click Here to Purchase a “SUGAR SAYS” Poster

There are other reasons, usually more fleeting, that one spouse may not be earning money in any given period: if he or she is unemployed or seriously ill or attending school full-time or caring for an infirm or dying parent or working in a field in which the money comes only after an extended period of what may or may not turn out to be unpaid labor.

Neither of you appears to be in any of those circumstances. While it’s technically true that both of your spouses are unemployed, it seems clear that something more complex is at play here. Your spouse, Working for Two, has such a spotty and brief record of employment that unemployment is her customary mode rather than a temporary state of affairs. Your spouse, Responsible One, has apparently drifted into a post-unemployment funk and has given up the search for a job. You both feel overly burdened and seriously bummed out. You’re both desperate for change. You’ve both shared your feelings with your partners and been met with compassionate indifference (ie. I feel terrible, sweetie, but I’m not going to do a damn thing about it).

What a mess.

I hope it’s not going to be news to you when I say you can’t make your partners get jobs. Or at least you can’t make them get jobs by doing what you’ve done so far—appealing to their better nature regarding what’s fair and reasonable, imploring them to act out of their concern for you and your wishes, as well as your collective financial well-being. Whatever dark angst is keeping your spouses from taking responsibility for their lives—depression, anxiety, a loss of self-confidence, a fear-based desire to maintain the status quo—it’s got a greater hold on them than any angry fits you’ve pitched about being the only one bringing in any dough.

It’s a truism of transformation that if we want things to be different we have to change ourselves. I think both of you are going to have to take this to heart the way anyone who has ever changed anything about their lives has had to take it to heart: by making it not just a nice thing we say, but a hard thing we do. Your spouses may or may not decide to get jobs in response to your changes, but that is out of your control.

The way I see it, there are two paths out of your misery. They are:

a) Accept the fact that your partner won’t get a job (or even seriously delve into the reasons he/she won’t seek one) or

b) Decide your partner’s refusal to contribute financially is unacceptable and end the relationship (or at least break it off until circumstances change).

So let’s say you went with option a. Both of you express love and adoration for your partners. You don’t want to lose them. How might you accept your dead-beat darlings for who they are at this era of their lives? Is this possible? Is what they give you worth the burden they place upon you? Are you willing to shelf your frustrations about your partner’s fiscal failings for a period of time? If so, how long? Can you imagine feeling okay with being the sole employed member of your union a year from now? Three years? Ten? Might you together agree to downsize and reduce expenses so that your single income becomes more feasible? What if you rethought the whole thing? What if instead of lamenting the fact that your partner is unemployed, the two of you embraced it as a choice you made together? Reframing it as a mutually-agreed upon decision, in which you are the breadwinners and your partners are the significantly supportive, non-incoming-earning helpmates, would give you a sense of agency that’s lacking now.

Click Here to Purchase the Dear Sugar Coffee Mug Two Pack!

Working for Two, you don’t mention if your partner does more than her share around the house, but Responsible One, you state that “the house is clean, the laundry is done, the dog is walked.” That’s something. In fact, it’s quite a lot. It’s not money, but your husband is positively contributing to your lives by seeing to those things. Oodles of people with jobs would be deeply pleased to return to a clean house that doesn’t contain mountains of dirty laundry and a dog demanding to go out. Many people pay people to do those things for them or they return from work only to have to work another, domestic shift. Your husband’s unpaid work benefits you. With that in mind, what other ways could your partners lighten your burden if they refuse to lighten it financially? Might you draw up a list of your household and individual needs—financial, logistical, domestic, and administrative—and divide the responsibilities in a manner that feels equitable, in terms of overall workload, that takes your job into account?

While I encourage you to sincerely consider coming to peace with your spouses’ perpetual unemployment, I’ll admit I’m presenting this option with more optimism than I feel. One thing I noted about both of your letters is that—while money is a major stress point—what worries you most deeply isn’t money. It’s how apathetic your partners are, how indifferent they are to their ambitions, whether they be income-earning or not. It would be one thing if you partners were these happy, fulfilled people who simply believed their best contribution to your coupledom would be as homemakers and personal assistants, but it seems clear that your partners have used home and the security of your relationships as a place to retreat and wallow, to sink into rather than rise out of their insecurities and doubts.

So let’s talk about option b. Working for Two, you say that you won’t give your partner an ultimatum, but I encourage you to rethink that. Perhaps it will help if you come to see what I see so clearly now: that you and Responsible One are the ones who’ve been given ultimatums, at least of an unstated, passive aggressive sort.

Ultimatums have negative connotations for many because they’re often used by bullies and abusers, who tend to be comfortable pushing their partners’ backs against a wall, demanding him or her to choose this or that, all or nothing. But when used by emotionally healthy people with good intentions, ultimatums offer a respectful and loving way though an impasse that will sooner or later destroy a relationship on its own anyway. Besides, the two of you have been up against the wall for years now, forced by your partners to be the sole financial providers, even when you have repeatedly stated that you do not and cannot continue to be. You’ve continued. Your partners have made their excuses and allowed you to do what you said you don’t want to do, even though they know it makes you profoundly unhappy.

Your ultimatum is simple. It’s fair. And it’s stating your own intentions, not what you hope theirs will be. It’s: I won’t live like this anymore. I won’t carry our financial burdens beyond my desires or capabilities. I won’t enable your inertia. I won’t, even though I love you. I won’t, because I love you. Because doing so is ruining us.

Don’t you get a little bit lighter inside just reading those lines?

The difficult part is, of course, what to do in the wake of those words, but you don’t have to know exactly what it will be right away. Maybe it will be breaking up. Maybe it will be mapping out a course of action that will save your relationships. Maybe it will be the thing that finally forces your partners to change. Whatever it is, I strongly advise you both to seek answers to the deeper questions underlying your conflicts with your partners while you figure it out. Your joint and individual issues run deeper than someone not having a job.

You can do this. I know you can. It’s how the real work is done. We can all have a better life if we make one.

Yours,
Sugar

***

You can follow Sugar on Twitter here.

Or join her Facebook fan page here.

And don’t forget the Dear Sugar Google Group, where you can get a little extra Sugar once a week.

***

Got a problem?

Hit the Sugar spot: sugar@therumpus.net or, if you prefer to keep your question 100% anonymous, use my form by clicking the button below. Either way, by submitting a question you are agreeing to our terms statement.

[Editor’s note: If you prefer to keep your question 100% anonymous it is best to use the button below.]

Fill Out My Form!

DIY vs. Buy: Should I Make My Own Coffee Liqueur?

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:48:40 -0500

DIY vs. Buy: Should I Make My Own Coffee Liqueur?:

Hmm, doesn’t add whole text, though….

Now that the party’s over & it’s just us, we can be honest, right? On the whole,...

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:46:41 -0500

Now that the party’s over & it’s just us, we can be honest, right? On the whole, 2011 didn’t know how to treat a lady & I’m glad it’s gone.

The girls gleefully clean my baseboards with q-tips. They offer to let the boys help, who cautiously...

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 14:56:02 -0500

The girls gleefully clean my baseboards with q-tips. They offer to let the boys help, who cautiously say no as if it were a trick question.

KellyGO

Men’s Jump Suits, 1970s

Encylopedia of Home Improvement, 1970

Beurre Manie

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water [Kitchen Hacks]

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water [Kitchen Hacks]

hungoverowls: “Today has already sucked a full day’s worth and...

From Letters of Note: To My Old Master

To My Old Master

Hmm....

Limiting video games is delusional

decanters

Middle Aged Women, 1960s

I love pulp fiction covers.

Cat and Girl

7 Foods You Should Never Eat (EEK!!)

7 Foods You Should Never Eat

A Softer World: 759

Truly Terrible Twos

Truly Terrible Twos

Mohandas Gandhi: Dear Customer who stuck up for his little brother,

blackandwtf: Date unknown The evils of drink… (via...

This is how it looks when I copy and paste

DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #93: How The Real Work Is Done

Related Posts:

DIY vs. Buy: Should I Make My Own Coffee Liqueur?

Now that the party’s over & it’s just us, we can be honest, right? On the whole,...

The girls gleefully clean my baseboards with q-tips. They offer to let the boys help, who cautiously...